Some people don’t know how to love. They claim they do, they insist they do, but their love is built on conditions, control, and the need to be right. To them, love isn’t about understanding or kindness—it’s about winning. It’s about proving their worth by making others bow to their truth.

I’ve seen people like this, those who would rather break someone’s spirit than admit they were wrong. They argue not to resolve, but to assert dominance. They twist words, turn faults around, and push blame onto others just to preserve the image they have of themselves, an image of someone who is always justified, always wise, always the victim when confronted. And if they cause pain? That’s never their fault. In their mind, the other person was simply “too weak” to handle the truth.

But love should never feel like a war where one must conquer and the other must surrender. Love should be a refuge, not a battlefield. It should be a place where both people feel safe, even in moments of disagreement. Where words are not weapons, and the need to be right does not outweigh the need to be kind.

Maybe they act this way because they were never shown love in its true form. Maybe they only know love as something transactional, something earned through compliance rather than given freely. Maybe they’ve been hurt so badly that the only way they know how to survive is by making sure they are always the one in control. But even if that’s true, at what point does a person take responsibility for the love they choose to give?

I wonder if they ever look back and see the destruction they’ve left behind. Do they regret the people they’ve pushed away, the hearts they’ve turned cold, the connections they’ve lost? Or do they sleep soundly, believing that being right was more important than being kind?

And what about the ones they’ve hurt? The ones who stayed silent, who swallowed their pain, who gave all they had just to be met with dismissal and cruelty? How many of them now walk through life doubting their own worth, carrying wounds they never deserved?

I don’t know what’s worse; the damage these people cause, or the fact that they may never realize it.

With Valentine’s Day approaching, the world will be wrapped in roses, chocolates, and grand gestures. But love, real love, is not measured in flowers or the perfect dinner date. It is measured in patience, in understanding, in the ability to put kindness before the need to be right.

Yet, how many of us will spend this day trapped in a love that feels more like a debate than a devotion? How many will hear “I love you” from lips that also speak words meant to wound? How many will feel unseen, unheard, and yet convinced they should stay because love, even when painful, is still love?

But it shouldn’t be.

Again, LOVE should not feel like a battle where someone must surrender for the other to feel powerful. It should not leave scars hidden beneath whispered “I’m sorry”s that hold no change. Valentine’s Day should be a celebration of love that uplifts, not one that reminds someone of how much they endure.

So this year, let love be more than a fleeting gesture.

Let it be a choice — to listen, to heal, to be soft even when it is difficult. Because in the end, no one truly wins in love. The only victory is in making sure no one has to lose.