When I was younger, I avoided physical activities like running or any games requiring physical strength. It wasn’t because I easily get tired or I was lazy to move or I was anti social but because of my belief that I am weak and physically vulnerable. That presumed weakness made me feel the need to be exceedingly careful to the extent it can be equated to paranoia. Hence, I never learned any sports from then on. Even if I was allowed to play outside with friends, I was afraid I’d get wounded. I panic when I see blood and I get butterflies in my stomach when inside the hospital . The thought of broken bones, torn ligaments, open wounds, getting multiple stitches and going inside operating room makes me cringe. Needless to say, this chain of fears immobilized me. I practically spent my childhood vicariously through reading books. I grew up avoiding chances to actually experience pain and learned from it.
I got an accident yesterday and I never imagined that after years of being that careful, guarded, and vigilant, something as terrifying as this is actually happening to me. I tripped on a badly maintained paving slab at Valet parking of Alabang Town Center (ATC) while walking back to my car. I fell on my twisted ankle injuring my ligaments I ended up with a bluish lump on the mid section of my right foot. I also got bruises on my wrists and few scratches on both knees. I didn’t notice the sunken section of the slab as there were no hazard signs. Things happened so fast I found myself lying on the parking lot ground, crying in pain. Thanks to ATC’s rescue team, I was brought to the hospital inside TOWN on a wheelchair parading from the parking lot going inside the supermarket then in the mall with no less of a hundred people. I was in a haze of mixed physical torture and emotional torment. People were all staring at my swollen foot, bruised legs and slightly damaged ego. The nurse however attentively secured my needs and quickly put ice to reduce the swelling while I wait for the doctor to arrived. I was asked if I could wait for 3 hrs as if I had a choice. I didn’t want to antagonize anyone and so I said yes. And I’m glad I did. The things I learned from this event has been gratifying it supersedes the agony of waiting;
The nurse told me I probably have Hematoma caused by a torn ligament thats why there’s a dark colored lump on the mid part of my foot. I asked him if there’s a possible surgery for me and he said, “It will naturally heal. It takes time though, but it will heal. You just need to rest to heal”.
Healing is innate in us but we need to help ourselves heal. Like with broken bones or torn ligaments, our body has the power to recover from trauma and eventually heal itself automatically, even without our involvement. But, in order to fully recover, we also need to do our part deliberately and willingly. And we can start to, by removing the barriers to healing — our over thinking.
Overthinking makes us restless. It doesn’t solve issues but only aggravates and intensify pain instead. Overthinking allow us to wallow on our pain until the thoughts get deeper, and consume us to the point of obsession we can no longer let go of it. Sometimes, instead of addressing the root cause, overthinking get us sidetracked by things irrelevant to the process of healing. Hence, we suffer the most and ended more damaged inside the emotional wall we unconsciously built around us.
The only way to combat this overthinking is thru acceptance. Reality they say bites, and whether we like it or not, it remains to be always true. It is easier to let go of pain after learning to accept that getting hurt is a reality. Accident happens no matter how vigilant we are, people will leave us no matter how genuinely we love them, we fall and trip no matter how careful we decide to be. Shit happens not because we are f*cked up but because they are bound to happen. And some things are just shit. And they happen to be included in our reality. Our necessary evil. In life, there are series of shits we needed to go thru to be the person that we are now.
Thru acceptance we can best attain healing, not thru forgiveness. Because forgiveness on the contrary is the hardest part of healing, perhaps because of the moral obligation attached to it. We are taught to forgive to free others from the bondage of their sin. When what we need is our own freedom. Forgiving is for the offender, while acceptance is for our own healing. Forgiveness in order to meliorate, if without acceptance leaves us only a deeper scar and only worsen the situation. Accepting rests our mind from over analyzing and hyper focusing on things that don’t matter at all. We can always choose to pause, or rest to analyze our situation, and to finally accept it completely, without hurting or blaming ourselves or our circumstances. Acceptance is the rest we need in order to heal, naturally. It allows us to mend our broken concept of forgiveness. Only by doing this, we can be a lot more peaceful within ourselves.
The lessons we learned from our mistakes is bigger than our ego. To fall is painful, but nothing is more painful than knowing people saw you. Sometimes, bruised ego is harder to deal to than scarred legs or arms. No one saw me but the valet driver on the parking lot when I tripped. I thought God was nicer to me he spared me from humiliation. I could have kept these things to myself but I know God wouldn’t be nicer for no reason at all. It happened because I needed to be reminded it is during such challenging times that I need to overcome my fear to be able to embrace my weakness and be able to get up to be better so I don’t find myself crying in pain and blaming myself.
Mishaps and unfortunate events aren’t supposed to be always a bad thing. Experiencing pain, for instance doesn’t always mean we need to endure, and suffer or that we need to be afraid of it. Experiencing pain is necessary because there are lessons in life we need to learn the hard way.
It’s not everyday that life knocks us down, but when it does, it never forgets to offer us a chance to get back up and recuperate.
I was given 2 week bed rest and few tablets of Arcoxia for pain management. The nurse was right, it takes time to heal. And all that I need is just to rest, now. For the meantime. 🙂