Alice Du Jardin

MANIC MONDAY.

“Everyone can get sad from time to time, but you can find ways to overcome that sadness and prevent it from turning into something that keeps you sad.

It’s Monday, and I don’t feel quite okay. But being the fighter that I am, thought of doing something to get away with this negative emotion. I wanna get over it, asap. I have embraced the reality that “shit” does happen and there are days like this that we can’t help but feel insecure, or alone, unwanted, and inferior. Feeling like sh*t is normal, we all experience it. It means we acknowledge our boundaries and limits and sometimes we get overwhelm by things that are too big for us to handle we hold back, we re-calculate our capacities and re evaluate our options. It’s a good thing, actually. Because it is the time we can have deeper knowledge of what we are truly capable of. I think it only becomes life-threatening is when the “I feel like a shit” feeling starts to consumes you and you start allowing it take charge of your life without you consciously trying to stop it.

Some believe that in order to heal from negative feelings is to actually feel it. I wouldn’t argue, as yes, it may be equally essential but nothing is more important for me than a healthy sense of direction, self-esteem and self love. We got to think, use our brains, not just feel and let our emotions manipulate our discernment.

Hence, I decide, I don’t want to dwell on negativities. Because I know, aside from dragging people down if I start losing my drive and sanity,  I am afraid that I might get used to that insecurities and will cripple me for life. Negative emotions can eat a hole in our souls. So instead of just feeling the pain, I wanna get rid of it. This is what self love is, asking ourselves what we need everyday and then making sure we receive it. Harbouring ill emotions stops us from doing that. And it takes up too much energy, we lost sight of our purpose. Of the very own whys of our existence.

GETTING ON FOCUS

“Self-care is how you take your power back.”
– Lalah Delia

So instead of whining, I grabbed my full frame 5Dmk2 Canon and 100mm Macro lens from my camera vault aka eletronic dry box. Yes, if dolls have cabinet, cameras should have, too. I have to keep them safe and if you want them to stay in good condition for years, you should get a good quality dry box or dry cabinet. If you’re wondering how they look like, they are like wine coolers, except they’re designed to protect your cameras and lenses from moisture, dirt, and dust. Believe it or not, but my cameras and lenses are 8-10 years old now but remain to be reliable, mold free and  good heaven! they are still in perfect condition.

And I want my emotions to be just like that, maybe not always in mint condition but at least, reliable and consistent. Because when you yourself are confused of the signals your emotions are sending, it is just hard to settle down and focus.

Just like cameras, I believe that our emotions are our equipments that we need to secure from getting a corrosion. If we expose ourselves to an environment that is full of hate, remorse, disgust or any toxic elements, it can damage our emotional and physical health and well being. Self care is important. And in order to do so, we need to get focus of what our priorities are. If our body and mind have been taking an emotional beating, we need self care to get over it. That is why I try to learn to shift my thoughts to concentrate on what I do have and what really makes me happy. By doing so, I continue to notice the abundance in life. Self-care is the fuel that allows our light to shine brightly.

Wait, I am not playing self righteous here. In fact, I am as vulnerable as everyone. I am capable of pain, too. I struggled many times, and there were things in the past that I felt I was almost strangled to death by jealousy, self pity and distrust. But I survived. Learned from the experiences and realized that life has necessary evils for us to thrive just like how diamonds shine because of its flaws. I learned that self care; seeking for an outlet, or looking for your own space, learning on your own pace are ways to master your emotions. That loving one self is one best way to combat depression. We need to love ourselves enough to set boundaries. Our time and energy are precious and that we get to decide how we use it. We teach people how to treat us by deciding what we will and won’t accept. I learned from somewhere that learning to love yourself is like learning to walk essential, life-changing, and the only way to stand tall.

EN ROUTE

Here are the photos I took as a diversion. You know what, I felt better, afterwards. Felt better about myself, and thankful that amidst trials and challenges, God gives me reason to see the brighter side of things. God compensates and He gives us options and outlets for us to fix our shits altogether. Because we deserve better.

That’s what “outlets” technically do, I think. Making you realised that there’s more to life than whining and raving. My cameras are my to go bffs. I run for them every time I feel down or when I wanna get some focus on my perspectives, literally and figuratively.

Happy that I have installed Adobe Lightroom on my laptop. This was an added outlet, too. Not so techie about editing but I made myself this “fall preset” I for Alice. Alice Ju Jardin is the mint version of the original Alice from Pullip family.  She is my 4th Pullip, by the way.

I am not a professional photographer and I don’t have an impressive editing skill, if you notice. But I think I have become my own professional counsel who helps myself tweak and manage my emotions if needed to. As Sharon Creech once said, “You can’t keep the birds of sadness from flying over your head, but you can keep them from nesting in your hair.” So you see, shit is reality, and it bites. But it’s always up to you how to handle the bite.

Love yourself.  A little more, every day. Life is a journey, bumpy road ahead.

More photos at my Flickr 

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One day i woke up and realised I was not made for anyone, I was made for me. I am my own.
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
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You are free, you are powerful, you are good, you are love, you have value, you have a purpose. All is well.
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Put yourself at the top of your to-do list every single day and the rest will fall into place.
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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
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Confidence is the ability to feel beautiful, without needing someone to tell you.
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There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others. Let others get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.
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You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.